Wednesday, November 15, 2006
As Jetta would say, "I want Ali real much, right now!"
Jetta has the best way of greeting you. Every time I walk in the door (even if I have only been gone an hour) she greets me with "HI! MOM! I love you real much. I told my Daddy, I love my mom real much!" and gives me the biggest hug and kiss.
She also loves to play pretend and is constantly talking about her baby mouse, llama or lion in her hand. It's crying. And we always find ourselves running from the lion or bear. Her eyes wide open and her breath heavy and she says, "RUN! LION"
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
It has been a long time since my last post. So many things have happened. We have moved to Annapolis and have a new home that I just love! It is just perfect for us and walking distance to down town. We are enjoying the slower, less trendy pace here in our boating town. I do miss my friends a lot and miss going out for our favorite Indian lunch in Hoboken. Some things can be replaced with a new favorite Thai restaurant, but other things will never be replaced and will never leave my heart. Just thinking of some of the people we left brings tears to my eyes. Hopefully we can make such wonderful friends here too. Jetta is loving Aunt Jessica and Uncle Mario and their community pool. She has made many pool friends and is going under water all by herself. She is just on the verge of swimming on her own. My Mom has been here the whole summer and Jetta goes back and forth from snuggling up with her on the couch with a good book, just loving her Boppy, to yelling her head off, "No Boppy, It's mine" for now apparent reason. We still can figure out the workings of Jettas brain. Ha! . It is wonderful being near all of our family and we are still just getting ourselves adjusted. Some big news.....I'm pregnant! I wonder if it will be a boy. I hope we will come up with a good name. It's a hard job to name a human being I think. I am feeling very tiered and somewhat nauseous all the time. Fun Fun Fun! We are very excited though, but of course nervous too. Jetta has her own bed in our room now and sleeps there about have the night. I am still nursing her and have no plans to stop before the baby is born. I guess we will play it by ear, heart and nipples. So, we are sort of caught up now....talk later.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
She has wanted nug nugs more and more and is getting very possessive over my body, saying
"It's Jettas." over and over. This morning she did the funniest thing. I had taken out some old
Barbie's of mine as a child last night and this morning she pulled down one of the Barbie's shirts and said...."nug nug" , and proceeded to suck on the Barbie's "nug nugs". We all just died laughing as John snapped a picture. She seems to prefer all the Barbie's to have their shirts pulled down around their waist.....hhhmmmm...I guess she just really appreciates the female body in its natural state. Well, not natural, but plastic, hard, perky, immobile, and definitely not like mine. So, I guess the reality is, Jetta just likes 'um any way she can get 'um.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Monday, March 27, 2006
Here is the link to the website to get tickets. www.mormonboy.com
I left the theatre in tears and John and I haven't stopped talking about it since. He loved it too.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Here is Jetta at the Park in Central Park yesterday. She just loved the slide...see her running over the bridge.She just walked right up to all the kids and started playing along so happy, and look how well she is sharing as she is trying to give a sand toy to a boy. His mother was yelling at him for picking up a toy that wasn't his., How would he know it wasn't his? All the kids were playing with the toys and not having a problem with sharing....it was just the parents who seem to "know better" than to touch something that isn't yours. All I heard was "no, that's not yours!, stop that! put it down! " I think that left to themselves the children seem to have a system of their own. If I don't want you to have something, I will either start screameing, or just take it back. Otherwise, your free to play with anything I have. Wow, maybe that's why adults can feel so lonely in a crowd. As we grow up we learn to stay in our own little box, fearful we will be rejected. I think that we teach our kids this behavior and I saw how we do it first hand. We are born with the spirit of togetherness, and it is beaten out of us by well meaning parents. We really should take some notes from our children. I think they're on to something.
Monday, March 06, 2006
I just have to say, I have the best husband and friend in the world. And Jetta has the best Daddy. The other day I asked him if he had any doubts about us being together for the rest of our lives (of course I know the answer,...it is just my abandoned child archetype coming through). His response was, "no of course not, if anything, I worry we don't have enough time together in just one life time" I know everyone must be sick of me bragging about him all the time.....but he just gets better and better every day. Jetta really picked well this life time. We always say "your my baby" to Jetta, and last night she went to bed saying "my baby" to her little bear her Boppy gave her. That was right before she rolled over into the comforting arms of her Daddy.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Friday, March 03, 2006
After a day of tantrums and exhaustion yesterday, I woke up this morning with a new plan of attack. A new goal and mantra. My Mantra was, "Do what ever it takes to make Jetta happy, and know that things will change." If that means getting in the car and driving around for 3 hours so she can take a good nap, I will. But I made it a good thing by spending the time in the car listening to my Carolyn Myss radio shows. ( she is my new lady) I will use the time that is so called "wasted" to do something for my own growth. It won't be forever, and instead of fighting and trying to make things be a certain way, I am practicing ' going with the flow'. And I have to say the day is going pretty good. We went to Whole Foods today and Jetta actually succeeded in picking up her sushi with her chopsticks! I think everyone around us was a shocked as I was. Maybe she was Japanese in her last life. Well, we are both a lot happier today. I think a beg lesson of motherhood is learning that no matter how hard you try to make something happen the way you want it, you can not win when you fight with nature. You only win when you work with it. That is probably a good thing for all the keep in mind.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
We have finally had 2 nights in a row of sleep. After the past year plus, this is a huge reason for celebration. It is so cute the way Jetta wakes up now at about 6 am and sits straight up. She looks at me and says "Mommy, mor mor (morning) , nug nug?" She points to the window so we can look out to see if it is morning yet. I ask her "Is it morning?" and she shakes her head yes. She really understands the concept of not nursing until morning. Wow, she is growing up. Now we just have to figure something out about this nurse-a-thon naps. Ha!
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Friday, February 24, 2006
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Grandma taught us all about love and giving. In her last days she showed strength and I could feel her love pour into me as I sat by her side. She was a beautiful soul and she will live on in us all and in our children as long as we remember and practice what she taught us. Her touch was gentle and healing, her words warm and encouraging, her look nonjudgmental. Grandma was an amazing woman who brought joy and love into all of our lives. I thank her for that everyday. I thank her for using her life the way she did. For giving us all a home to come to and lap to rest our heads on and a letter to brighten our week. She always remembered us and not only told us how she loved us but showed it in every encounter. She would make your favorite meal when you came to visit and listen to you when you needed a friend. Our Grandmother loved each one of us with her whole being. She wanted us only to know how perfect we were and live with strength and joy, not missing all the gifts we were given. She lived like that, in the moment, grateful, and happy to be who she was. I know she loved her life. She loved our Grandfather and all her children. Just days before Grandma died her sister called and thanked her for teaching her about giving and how it brought joy and meaning into her. She thanked her for being such a loving sister and that she impacted her life in so many wonderful ways. I cried when I listened to her sister talk because I could see that we were not the only ones whose lives were so changed by grandma. She seemed to leave a part of herself wherever she went and that part would grow like a beautiful flower, bringing a burst of color and light into any space.
Grandma was a strong woman who seemed to work at seeing the positive. I know the last years her life were so difficult and we can not even know to what extent she suffered, but amazingly even within the pain, she still wanted to see her children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren any time she could. I have never known anyone to take on life like that, to not just give up. She has always given me strength when I need it and she continues to do so. I know she is not far from us and is now embracing us with her soul and peacefully watching over us each day.
Gwendolyn, her name means "Moon Goddess"......She was our moon goddess. She died on the eave of Thanksgiving. So fitting for such and generous giving woman. So I want to say thank you to her, our Grandmother, our mother, our sister, our friend. Thanks you for being such a big part of our lives. Thank you for teaching us to love ourselves, to live our lives. Thank you for loving us for who we were. Thank you for all our memories. We love you and just hope to be able to do for someone else's life what you have done for ours. For being as generous, gracious and loving as you, is what life is about. We had such a wonderful time with you grandma...Thank you for sharing your life with us.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
My goals as a Post Partum Doula are inspired by my own experiences as a mother and a
Doula working with new mothers.
mother and family that each job will always be different. A major part of being a PP Doula is to be able to asses a situation, be flexible, and know when to step in and
My first experience with a Post Partum Doula was with my child. My mother in law and
good friend came to be my PP Doula, although at the time we didn’t call her
that, she was defiantly the epitome of a PP Doula. When I had my child and
began my journey with breast feeding, I had the wonderful support of my mother in law
who had breastfed two babies of her own. She cared for me in the weeks following the
birth with kindness and a gentle support. She encouraged me and always told me what a
wonderful job I was doing. She made me feel like a wonderful mother just when I felt
like I was going to fall apart. She listened to me cry every evening about my wonderful
birth Doula and how grateful I was to have such loving people around me. She cooked
meals for me and did the laundry which made me feel so cared for. She gave me the
space to work out my fears and trials and she aloud me to become the mother I am today.
She only gave me advice when I asked for it and stood back while my husband and I
learned to be parents to our precious new daughter. She made me feel so capable and for
that I am forever grateful.
help women trust themselves and their bodies. I want to to be able to go into a home and
help them have confidence to keep breastfeeding even when it seems impossible. I want
to leave them feeling like they did it themselves. I want them to have a since that they
have the strength of millions of women with them. I don’t want any woman to feel alone
with their fears. I want them to know that we, Doulas, are their to help when it is most
needed. We are there to give them the resources and tools they need to be the parents the
dreamed of being. I never want a woman to feel pushed around and pressured by doctors
and family and society without having a pillar of strength telling them: yes, you are the
mother, you know best.
I recently spent the weekend without my daughter and husband. Home alone for the first time in 2 years. I thought I would feel so relaxed and be able to get so much done between naps and vegging out on the couch with a stack of movies, but it turned out that wasn't the case at all. Usually, Jetta wakes me up all night to nurse and then I spend my days running behind her cleaning up her wake. When they were gone, I found my house to be more of a disaster, and my mind to be more tormented. I felt like I did prior to having her, confused and stressed about the meaning of my life. When everything in my life was for my own development and growth I never felt a sense of complete joy. There always seemed to be something missing, something not right. My future seemed unsure and my present seemed less than thrilling. After the weekend, and they returned, I came to realize that I think we as humans are meant to be needed. To live for someone other than ourselves. Jetta gives me a greater responsibility and meaning in life. I have less time to contemplate my future, I am more tired, I have almost no "me time", and yet I seem to be happier, more productive and fulfilled in my life. It is amazing how we are always trying to find that quiet peaceful space in life to bring us happiness, when real happiness seems to be right in the middle of poopy diapers, cartoons, and spaghetti smashed into the carpet.