Saturday, February 25, 2006

Happy Family

We are leaving this morning for our ski trip. We were just in the kitchen making breakfast, (grass fed eggs, millet toast with raw butter and coffee with raw milk ) Grandma Boo was holding Jetta and we all had a group hung as Jetta started singing...."I love you, you love me, we're a happy family........" It was the sweetest thing ever. Boo was crying, and I thought to myself....I will never forget this moment. The sad thing is, I probably will.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Ski Trip

Well, we are off to our ski trip in the morning without Jetta. This will be a first. Grandma Boo is here to take care of her over the weekend. Wish us all luck!

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

My Grandma

I have been thinking about my grandmother so much lately and wanted to share what I wrote about her after she died.

Grandma taught us all about love and giving. In her last days she showed strength and I could feel her love pour into me as I sat by her side. She was a beautiful soul and she will live on in us all and in our children as long as we remember and practice what she taught us. Her touch was gentle and healing, her words warm and encouraging, her look nonjudgmental. Grandma was an amazing woman who brought joy and love into all of our lives. I thank her for that everyday. I thank her for using her life the way she did. For giving us all a home to come to and lap to rest our heads on and a letter to brighten our week. She always remembered us and not only told us how she loved us but showed it in every encounter. She would make your favorite meal when you came to visit and listen to you when you needed a friend. Our Grandmother loved each one of us with her whole being. She wanted us only to know how perfect we were and live with strength and joy, not missing all the gifts we were given. She lived like that, in the moment, grateful, and happy to be who she was. I know she loved her life. She loved our Grandfather and all her children. Just days before Grandma died her sister called and thanked her for teaching her about giving and how it brought joy and meaning into her. She thanked her for being such a loving sister and that she impacted her life in so many wonderful ways. I cried when I listened to her sister talk because I could see that we were not the only ones whose lives were so changed by grandma. She seemed to leave a part of herself wherever she went and that part would grow like a beautiful flower, bringing a burst of color and light into any space.

Grandma was a strong woman who seemed to work at seeing the positive. I know the last years her life were so difficult and we can not even know to what extent she suffered, but amazingly even within the pain, she still wanted to see her children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren any time she could. I have never known anyone to take on life like that, to not just give up. She has always given me strength when I need it and she continues to do so. I know she is not far from us and is now embracing us with her soul and peacefully watching over us each day.

Gwendolyn, her name means "Moon Goddess"......She was our moon goddess. She died on the eave of Thanksgiving. So fitting for such and generous giving woman. So I want to say thank you to her, our Grandmother, our mother, our sister, our friend. Thanks you for being such a big part of our lives. Thank you for teaching us to love ourselves, to live our lives. Thank you for loving us for who we were. Thank you for all our memories. We love you and just hope to be able to do for someone else's life what you have done for ours. For being as generous, gracious and loving as you, is what life is about. We had such a wonderful time with you grandma...Thank you for sharing your life with us.



Tuesday, February 21, 2006

I am officially a Certified Post Partum Doula !!!

My goals as a Post Partum Doula are inspired by my own experiences as a mother and a
Doula working with new mothers. There is so much a PP Doula can do for a
mother and family that each job will always be different. A major part of being a PP Doula is to be able to asses a situation, be flexible, and know when to step in and when to step back. I believe I am there to help mothers transition into motherhood with confidence and clarity. Sometimes the situation is an emergency and needs to have immediate attention and other times the mother needs a helping hand and an ear to listen to her birth story or fears she may have.
My first experience with a Post Partum Doula was with my child. My mother in law and
good friend came to be my PP Doula, although at the time we didn’t call her
that, she was defiantly the epitome of a PP Doula. When I had my child and
began my journey with breast feeding, I had the wonderful support of my mother in law
who had breastfed two babies of her own. She cared for me in the weeks following the
birth with kindness and a gentle support. She encouraged me and always told me what a
wonderful job I was doing. She made me feel like a wonderful mother just when I felt
like I was going to fall apart. She listened to me cry every evening about my wonderful
birth Doula and how grateful I was to have such loving people around me. She cooked
meals for me and did the laundry which made me feel so cared for. She gave me the
space to work out my fears and trials and she aloud me to become the mother I am today.
She only gave me advice when I asked for it and stood back while my husband and I
learned to be parents to our precious new daughter. She made me feel so capable and for
that I am forever grateful.
This is what I would want to be able to give to the mothers I will be helping. I want to
help women trust themselves and their bodies. I want to to be able to go into a home and
help them have confidence to keep breastfeeding even when it seems impossible. I want
to leave them feeling like they did it themselves. I want them to have a since that they
have the strength of millions of women with them. I don’t want any woman to feel alone
with their fears. I want them to know that we, Doulas, are their to help when it is most
needed. We are there to give them the resources and tools they need to be the parents the
dreamed of being. I never want a woman to feel pushed around and pressured by doctors
and family and society without having a pillar of strength telling them: yes, you are the
mother, you know best.

Poopy Diapers

So, I just changed my 3rd poopy diaper of the day and it is only 2 pm. I am glad she is a good eater, but come on! I think I am getting the hang of this blog thing. I guess I will probably start to put a new post on every day. I really would like to focus on Jetta (my daughter) of course and how being a mom has changed my life.
I recently spent the weekend without my daughter and husband. Home alone for the first time in 2 years. I thought I would feel so relaxed and be able to get so much done between naps and vegging out on the couch with a stack of movies, but it turned out that wasn't the case at all. Usually, Jetta wakes me up all night to nurse and then I spend my days running behind her cleaning up her wake. When they were gone, I found my house to be more of a disaster, and my mind to be more tormented. I felt like I did prior to having her, confused and stressed about the meaning of my life. When everything in my life was for my own development and growth I never felt a sense of complete joy. There always seemed to be something missing, something not right. My future seemed unsure and my present seemed less than thrilling. After the weekend, and they returned, I came to realize that I think we as humans are meant to be needed. To live for someone other than ourselves. Jetta gives me a greater responsibility and meaning in life. I have less time to contemplate my future, I am more tired, I have almost no "me time", and yet I seem to be happier, more productive and fulfilled in my life. It is amazing how we are always trying to find that quiet peaceful space in life to bring us happiness, when real happiness seems to be right in the middle of poopy diapers, cartoons, and spaghetti smashed into the carpet.

A short first post

I keep putting off starting this so I am going to just start it by saying, Hi! I am trying to get lunch on the table for Jetta and myself. She is reading a book she found in the garage, saying " bear bear bear bear, star star star star". She is so cute most of the time.