without a shadow of a doubt

Here I am again, sitting in the dark before the sun comes up. The house quiet with the anticipation of the day to come in the air. I am thinking about my grandparents this morning. I am thinking about all the gifts they left with me to pass on to my children. I am even thinking about what type of grandparent I will be. It seems such a strange thing to be contemplating at this stage in my life, but to me it doesn't seem such a far stretch. It is a reality of my life to come and feels like such an important phase in a lifetime. When I think of the generosity my grandparents showed to me, of spirit and of earthly things, I wonder how that impacted my life. As I type, the glow of the computer is shining on my grandmothers wedding ring that she gave me before she died. It is the only piece of jewelry I wear (besides the gold necklace she also gave me) because it makes me think of her. Yes, it represents my marriage to John too, and when I wear it I feel the strength that my grandmother had as a mother and the wisdom she shared with me gives me strength and clarity. When I open that top draw of the dresser that once was my grandfathers,  I sometimes think of  all the shinny tie pins and new and old corn cob pipes that used to be laid out neatly in it and remember my grandmother yelling "Dear!" because my grandfather had left his socks on the floor in front of it, like he did every day, and my grandfather yelling back "I didn't do it!" with a twinkle in his eye. I have so many memories stored in my mind of the two of them that I now share with my own children. I love that every night at dinner they all want to make sure they are eating with a Great Grandma Gwendolyn fork and always want to hear another story about Grandpa U.E. while they get their teeth brushed. I think of how my grandparents shaped my life. From teaching me to drive, playing gin rummy, taking me to my tennis lessons, swimming in the Mississippi River with me, never forgetting to write me a letter with a kiss in it each week, and making me feel like they really had no where else to be but with me. My grandparents showed me what matters in life. Family. Love. People. Although my children didn't know my grandparents, I will always make sure our lives are full with their memories. I hope one day that my own grandchildren will be asking for the Gwendolyn spoon and will go to sleep at night knowing without a shadow of a doubt that there are at least 2 angels watching over them in heaven.