don't be afraid to be a man

Masculinity......what a loaded word.. It evokes images that I am not sure I really want my boys to possess. Why is that? For sure, we all possess masculine and feminine aspects, but boys are relocated in this society to just the masculine. And whats worse, boys seem to have to fight for it to hold on to it as if it is so fragile that at any moment they might loose it. As a Mom of two boys, I am determined to show my boys a very different picture of what being a man really is. Something less temporary, and something that can never be taken away. Unlike girls, who become women simply by hitting puberty, boys seem to have to constantly prove that they have become men. We condition this idea by teaching them things like, boys don't wear pink, boys aren't afraid, boys are strong, boys play sports not ballet, boys take risks, boys fight, boys don't sit down to pee like a girl, boys don't cry, boys don't ask for help. With so many societal rules segregating boys, spoken and unspoken, it is no wonder our boys and our men are so worried  about loosing their masculinity. As if walking around in a pink t-shirt would somehow throw a wrench in the biology thing. From the the day I knew that I was pregnant with a boy, I have strived to raise my sons the same way I raised my daughter. Showing them that the world is full of joy and love and that all that joy and love is within them too. That is what they are made of and all the world is for them to explore. Not just the things colored in blue. I happen to be lucky that my sons have a father to emulate that, in my opinion, exemplifies what a real man is. A loving human being who finds joy in his family and who is open and caring and not afraid to be who he is and has no need to prove that he is masculine enough for anyone else. He is not afraid to wear a sling or bring his son to ballet. When we tell our little boys, "that's not for you", or "wouldn't you rather a boy color?", or "boys don't do it that way", we teach them that they are walking a thin line that at any moment might just snap when least expected. We are teaching them that their choices are limited and that they need to choose very carefully or who they are could be taken away. I want to change that. I want to teach my boys and all boys that it is their god given right to become a man. That being a man is something that develops just like womanhood. Through time, experience, wisdom and is nothing to fear loosing. That men come in many diffident colors, shapes and sizes, but  what really makes a man is his heart. And that is something that is filled with infinite possibilities and you can never loose.