I'm just fine

Most days I have to answer the question "How are you?" and most days I just say good or fine without really thinking about the question much. Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me because I don't respond with a enthusiastic "Great!" and I even get the occasional "is everything ok" look because the word "fine" seems to imply that there is something wrong. Yes, I have moments of real joy, but mostly I have a sense of feeling content with my life. It actually feels very good. I am just fine. I have spent most of my life striving for and expecting things to be great. Somehow I got the idea that if I was doing something special and extraordinary I would be happy and that happiness would bring joy to my life. I was taught that I was special and that of course meant that I needed to do something special., You know, save the world, or in my case be a "star". I remember my grandfather saying once that my voice was a gift from God and that it needed to be shared.  I thought that if I became a famous singer that I would be living up to my potential and it would make me happy. I think I had an expectation that if I wasn't feeling thrilled about every moment of my life I wasn't doing it right. I thought that being on the stage with thousands of people cheering for me or owning a successful business or making lots of money was the goal, although deep inside I longed for something completely different. I longed for family. Children. Cooking. Cats. A dog. A wonderful partner. A garden.  I started to realize my true soul desires and what  made me "happy". I started to live my life according to my heart. I started a family, a garden, adopted 3 cats and learned to cook. I am now up nursing all night, changing a million diapers, cooking and cleaning all day, completely exhausted and just fine.  I now realize that being content  is the best feeling in the world.  It is the feeling of not needing or wanting to change anything. Yes, there are many happy moments to my days, but mostly I feel just fine and I don't want to change a thing. And as for the gift that God gave me. I have found the most important audience of all. My family.